We're still Having Fun!
This post is a combination of answers I made on the Dooce community:
MY MY!
Well let’s see because we were suddenly together even more of the time and in more ways, so maybe it had to. The changes were so gradual we barely noticed at first. Big changes didn’t really happen until we had 2 kids and the demands on our time were so much more. The dynamics were different too.
With one kid it seems like we just agreed and negotiated when there were differences of opinion, with two suddenly there were so many more people to think about.
There have been circumstances that changed our relationship more dramatically then just at marriage. At marriage we were still so new in the relationship and still trying to please each other so much! New strains or new events (be they kid, job, business, health, etc) can cause the dynamics to change and only if we have the habit of working on US can we stay together (like we easily did when we were first married). It’s so easy to take for granted that person across the table or in our bed and look for help and support in other places.
Whatever changes you observe you must be open to your partner changing. Growth is good!
PART II of this — If you had kids before you were married how did you focus on them and your spouse?
Well I didn’t have kids before I got married but my husband did. We had the privilege of one weekend with the kids and one weekend without. There are certainly pluses to that. The weekdays were generally just going through the routines.
I say watch what you do as you are dating. How do you get alone time. Is it setting up play dates for your son so you and your guy can have a date and play, or do you put him to bed at a certain time so you can snuggle, etc. Make sure that you continue these habits as you get married.
When my own kids came along I had a good friend with whom we traded a few hours one Saturday per month (she send hers one month and I’d send mine another month). That alone time is really critical to just talk and be together, with or without intimacy.
Finally, plan at least once a year where you spend a up to a week away from your kids (if a relative or dear friend can be with your son). Yes your son is your priority MOST of your and his life but so is your husband when you get married and he needs time and attention (like you will).
